Secrets of the Speaker's Podium

From What Do You Say to That?” by Walt Bodine
Westport Publishers, 1988

Bodine's Law of Oratorical Relativity: "When you are seated in some hall listening to a speaker, a minute seems like an hour, but when you are the speaker on the podium, an hour is but a minute." (Page 93)

One day I found myself at the head table of a downtown group at the old Hotel Phillips. I was the speaker for the day and the day itself was a hundred-degree July day. The minute we walked into the hotel we noticed one ominous thing-the air conditioning was not working. As the lunch progressed, coats came off at table after table. As it got hotter, ties were loosened, faces reddened, handkerchiefs came out to wipe away the perspiration and people looked longingly toward the door.

As the ceremonies began, I leaned over to the guy who was to introduce me and said, "Keep it short and end with the words, 'Now Mr. Bodine will present his address.'"

And you can guess what I did. I stood up and said "Seventy-third and Holmes, and on a cooler day, I'll come back and say more." I've had a lot of years' experience in public speaking, and this was the loudest and, I am sure, most sincere applause I ever received. (Pages 96-7)